Hari yang cerah, jiwa yang sepi.

Part 1.

I cried helplessly when I saw ur new Skype profile pic. You looked handsome and gained some weight. You also looked happier and I knew, there must be one woman who made u happy and unfortunately, it wasn't me. I thought I did forget about you, but the image of ur smile haunted my dreams and sleepless night. It felt like a sharp pain ran across my heart and I wonder if I could recover from that. Everyhing I had eaten tasted like sand and I hate myself for being so helpless about this whole thing, while you already mov d on with someone new.


Part 2:

I has been receiving weird texts from my students who keep complimenting about how beautiful I am or how I have lost some weight. They praised me and sometimes did cross the line when they expressed their so called unconditional love towards me. It reached my limit when a few students addressed me as sayang, my second wife and even my love. I did not know if they were joking nor being serious but it did affected my teaching as I could not focus anymore. Sometimes, they keep staring at my face for a long time and it made me uncomfortable. I did not know how to handle this.

Part 3 :
A student cried while telling her story ahout her mother who has been diagnosed Cancer stage 4. This 13 years old has been keeping this story as a secret and are feeling afraid with future. I did not know how to react but I did cry true while hugging her. I told her everything is going to be okay eventhough both of us know it isn't true. after she left, I took  sometime to take a deep breath and rebuild my shattered heart.


and despite of these things happene simultaneously. My mind still thinking of you. Dreaming of you trying to comfort me when I am crying on the phone, telling me everything will be okay. Now, you had gone, leaving me stranded while you dance happily with other woman.

Yes, I am a fool and I don't blame you. I'll take all the blame.

Breathe easy my dear, you can find the sunshine in the rain

"I know the love can be so unforgiving,
You've been the victim, too many times,
I'll be the thread, hold you together,
I'll be yours forever,
Will you be mine?"

He sang as we looked straight at the starry night sky.

The stars  blinked beautifully and we  heard the sound of soft cold wind embraced our skins.

I took a deep breath before I parted my mouth to say something, I tried to keep the straight face.

"I don't believe in forever, people can say and promise whatever they want, but in the end, they are the ones who will be leaving and I will stay alone in the dark, reaching out for air. They shatter my confidence and trust without hesitation. So tell me, why I should believe you? "


He sighed heavily and as he leaned closer to me, I tried to distanced myself. Intimacy makes me feel uncomfortable.

and he began to sing

" So let me redefine you.
you can see the the tide move,
Just like the tears in the eyes do,
and when you're feeling alone,
Oh, baby, I'll be right here,
between the sea and the silence
so, breathe easy my dear,
you can find the sunshine in the rain."

Siti, I swear, I'll love you in the different way.

and I stood there silently, praying for the sign from God.

Youngblood

" How many siblings do you have?" I asked him softly. I tried to muster up my courage and my eyes met his penetrating gaze. I tried to keep a straight face as my heart pounded rapidly. I was almost out of breathe. I never thought he could be this intimidating.

I have 4 siblings and  I am the middle child. My nieces and nephews calls me "Pak Lang"
 How about you?

"Oh, I am the middle child too. I have 2 siblings. " I glared to  his sleek watch on his wrist and I tried to focus on the road.


" owh, that's great. Perhaps my nieces and nephews can call you "Mak Lang" in the future". He replied casually. I could sense a smile has been carved on his beautiful lips.

It was the longest and awkward silence. There is no witty remarks, satire clap back or even a heavy grunt. Nothing, Nunca. It was just, dead, heavy yet anxious silence.

To be honest, it was the smoothest pick up line that I have ever received in my life.

Contemplating, I tried to open my mouth as my pathetic attempt to reply  his last remark before he interrupted my anxiousness with " Oh babe, you're blushing and I'm kinda addicted to it"

My heart just smiles again.

After a long year, my heart starts to find its way to happiness. ;)

I love you dangerously.

He stares at me deeply, suddenly he sighs heavily before he shifts his gaze to the empty road.

One think I like about him is, he has the most piercing and convincing gaze that I've ever seen. He is so confident and the aura radiates a positive aura. You could never hate this guy.


'So, I guess, we will not meet again?" He asks slowly and he is taking time to steer the wheel.

" I don't know, I need time" I don't even have the courage to look him into the eyes while I utter those words.

" Ah, time. Okay" then, it goes  silence for a few minutes , and it is too heavy and makes me feel uncomfortable

" I am sorry,  I need more time, let's take it slow, let's not put label in our relationship" I try to remain calm as I can see he is trying to do the same too albeit for different reason.

" I don't give any damn about timing, it is not fair to judge me based on your previous relationship. I will never be him, I will never be someone you are looking for if you keep closing your heart like this" he started to raise his voice slightly. Ah, how I hate argument.


"can we talk about this later, I am just too exhausted, pls "

"okay"

Please take my hands and take me dancing, oh it's so romantic.

Staring at the blank screen for hours

deciding and contemplating to erase all of the past memories,

some of the people, might be asking, what's the point,

if your heart choose to remember, the memories will stay forever,

nah, I beg to differ, I want to rewrite my future as I believe,

The future is going to be bright and the shadow days will be over.

Let's raise our glass high to embrace 30's

Siti , you are indeed awesome, don't let a man or anybody steals that away from you.

New romantics

Everyday is like a battle,
but every night with you is like a dream.