I remember clearly that night. It was raining heavily as I put some make up on and looked in the mirror, trying to convince myself that I looked impeccable. "Finally, this is the night I am going meet you abang" I muttered under my breath as I held my chest. It was nerve wrecking because after 3 years of being together, that night was the night that would unite us together. As I traced my lips with burgundy lipstick, I smiled cheerfully. I kept thinking and imagining how the date would turn out. Did I put too much make up? Were you going to like me? Have you eaten or should we grabbed a light dinner together and spent the rest of the night talking?
Then, I steered the steering and navigated the car carefully as I thought I had a plenty of time. You were scheduled to arrive at 9.00 pm and it usually takes 30-40 minutes from my home to Senai, depending on the traffic. I took my own sweet time as I hummed delightfully. The rain kept pouring in yet it showed no sign
of stopping. Therefore, I drove slowly to avoid unfortunate event.
I reached the basement parking lot. It was eerie and quiet. It reminded me of the thriller movie scene and I paced nervously, hoping I could reach the ground quickly. When I entered the elevator, I sighed in relief and I was excited to meet you. After all the planning, finally I would be able to talk to you dorectly, I would be able to stare at your beautiful eyes and perhaps hear your infectious laughter. I always love when you laugh over my stupid jokes. The moment was simple yet genuine.
Then I reached the arrival section as I waited anxiously for you. I scanned the whole waiting area as all the passengers walked past me, headed to their respective loved ones. I tried to remain calm because it was no sign of you. I wondered where were you, did you board ur flight, or did something bad happen to you.Then, after waiting for almost an hour, I sat down on the bench and started to cry. I could not help it. My dreams were shattered and tears were streaming down my face. It felt like the whole world were crumbling down and I was left alone and stranded in the dark jungle with no route to escape. I was choking in my tears and I felt breathless as I tried to ease the pain. I felt betrayed by your empty promises and I felt like a stupid woman who kept waiting to meet you when you clearly weren't interested to meet me in real life. I blamed myself as I drove back to my home. Heck, I cursed myself for being so utterly stupid for trusting you and your freaking empty promises. I cried, shouted and screamed out my frustation like a lunatic. The heavy rain clouded the road and tears somehow blinded my eyes. I kept praying to Allah that I should leave and hate you. However my heart refused to do that. I just couldn't hate you despite all the pain and frustation you've caused me. Yes, I used to love you to that extent despite the nature of this love is intoxicating, suffocating and miserable.
You broke my heart when u disappeared for the next 7 days and came back later with petty excuses. You seemed to forget about this incident but that night remained in my mind and heart for a long time. It changed my attitude towards the relationships. It changed my perspective on you and most importantly, it altered how did I view myself. Eventually, I forgive myself and you. However, the pain linger on my chest and it still hurts a lot whenever I think of it. This is the true embodiement of how you betrayed our relationship and most ultimately, us.
So, when I became overjoyed and excited about what happened last night, I kept thinking about this pain. It felt like I has been cursed to carry this pain for the rest of my life.
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